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OH HI GANG.
I hope your week is going fab, I hope you've been kicking all of the leaves, drinking all of the pumpkin spice lattes, and lapping up all of the autumn vibes. Because you know what? THIS GIRL HAS. And guys, I'm not going to lie to you. I AM ALL ABOUT THIS WEATHER. I'm so excited for it to get colder and for me to buy basically all of the scarves, jumpers, and coats because it's gonna be pretty swell.
ANYHOO, onto today's post. So it's your gal MR, coming at you with yet another dating post, well I guess this one delves a bit deeper and I'm talking all things relationships, and well to be more specific, relationship mistakes that I've made.
I mean, we've all made them haven't we? And I'm not talking, oh shit I bought the wrong colour milk lid so now my bf who is lactose intolerant is going to get the shits and be a grumpy git all evening when his cup of tea pre bed time makes him get up and do a shit at 3am. I'm talking the big mistakes, the ones that stay with you long after relationships have ended, the ones that keep you up at night, and the ones that make you break down in tears once you've had one too many glasses of Prosecco and you're suddenly screaming at your best mate in a street in the middle of Shoreditch at midnight.
You know, THOSE old chestnuts.
So let's delve in shall we? Let's talk about all the shitty things I've done, and hey try not to do these things because you know what, life's a short little thing, and we've gotta be grateful for all it gives us don't we?
NOT RESPECTING MYSELF ENOUGH
Respect is a hard thing to talk about when it comes to relationships, and I mean, it shouldn't be. We deserve it, we ALL deserve it, but I feel like we're taught from such a young age that relationships require sacrifice and compromise, and I mean yes, to an extent they do, but I feel like a really big question does need to be asked at so many stages of a relationship, and that's to evaluate the sacrifices we're making, the respect we might be losing, and asking if it's worth it.
If that guy is regularly ignoring your messages, just not communicating in the way that he should be, cancelling plans at the last minute, or just not turning up, he's not worth your time. Delete, block, swipe, and move on.
STAYING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
I've spoken about my abusive relationship before, and I mean I'm never quite sure how to approach the topic on this blog. It's been perceived as part of my 'brand' in such a way that I've been called 'Abuse girl' by a PR at one stage, and called a 'vapid attention seeker' by others in the community, but hey, what can a gal do?
It's a part of my past, it's a part of who I am, and as a writer, it only seems fitting that it becomes a part of my writing in some way / shape / form. It doesn't define me, and it definitely doesn't define who I am as a blogger (I mean given that I think I've spoken about it once in comparison to the 150+ posts I do on a yearly basis lol.
BUT ANYWAY, I digress.
Staying in my abusive relationship is something that I look back on and I regret pretty much every day that I wake up. It was cowardly, it was weak, and I'm better than that. But then again, no situation is as black and white as it may seem. I was living in a country I loved, but where I had no real support network, all my family and closest friends lived 15000km away, I was scared to tell anyone what was happening, because the second I did that it would become real.
Abuse is scary, it's the kind of scary that makes you invent a sort of false narrative in your head as to what is really happening. You blame yourself, you blame other people, you blame pretty much everyone but the real person at fault, your partner.
But with every scar left on my body, and with every memory etched in my head, I learnt from them, and although I regret my decision to stay as long as I did, I learnt from it all. Strength is what happens when we choose to not let a situation define us, strength is what happens when we rise above it and flourish, and I like to think that that is what I've done.
You can read my original abusive relationship post here if you fancy.
STAYING IN AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I WAS SCARED TO BE ALONE.
Unpopular opinion: BEING ALONE IS SCARY.
But I mean real talk, it is. Don't get me wrong, I love being single. I love that there's nobody around to make me feel like I'm not good enough 98% of the time, I love that I can eat Chicken Tenders for dinner and watch nine episodes of The Gilmore Girls whilst liking photos on Instagram and NOBODY CAN STOP ME BITCH.
But I mean also, it kinda sucks sometimes. I can't do the £10 dine in for 2 at M&S deal because everyone knows that reheated fillet steak sucks, I don't have anyone to pour me a glass at the end of a long day and give me a hug, and I don't have anyone to fix the boiler and reach things off the top shelf. (yup all of the sexist stereotypes in this post, but for the record, not all boys do these things, and not all girls can't do these things, it just so happens I'm a girl who's short as hell and can't programme a boiler to save her life.)
But all of that aside, one thing I've learnt out of all the relationships I've been in over the past few years, is that it's better to be by yourself than in a relationship that isn't right for you. It's better to sleep in a bed alone, than to feel like you're alone when there's y'know an actual human next to you that you're supposed to love and feel at home with and stuff.
This tbh isn't an easy lesson to learn, and it's one that I'm still learning. (abandonment issues according to my therapist, like really, I just paid you £50 to tell me that I have abandonment issues and I look for validation from men? Mate I could have told you that before we got started with this shit.) But all that aside, it's an important one to learn, you should be your highest priority when it comes to finding the right partner, no one else matters.