The 4 Types of Boys I Met on My First Month Back on Tinder

Millie Ryan TinderCAN WE ALL JUST HAVE A MINUTE TO APPRECIATE THESE FIVE GUYS SHOTS THO? They even made it onto the official Five Guys UK Instagram, proud moment for sure.

Millie Ryan Tinder

Skirt // Tshirt // Bag // Shoes 

 

Oh Tinder.

Once it was a dating app back in 12/13 that got you weird looks, like 'OH You need to online date because you can't pull in real life? MMMKAY' much coupled along with the likes of OkCupid and POF. But 4 years later, it seems to have ingrained itself in our dating culture so much, that I honestly don't know what dating without Tinder would be like.

It's inspired a new league of dating apps, and pretty much changed the way that my generation will continue to date, simply put, if you're not swiping, I really don't know how you're having sex.

The idea of Tinder seems to divide people. One camp seems to think that it's the best thing to happen to dating pretty much ever, they love the fact that they can Netflix and eat a feast of Chicken Chow Mein and Sesame Prawn Toast while they fight off dick pics and select their new partner, now actually that's a damn good idea. Some people think it's ruined the practice of dating for the worse. They think the idea that a partner who is a little bit more perfect in every way for you than the girl you took out to Franco Manca last week before banging her and making her think you were Mr Commitment is terrifying, and I mean isn't it?

Let's say I go through phases with Tinder. I've met men I've had full blown relationships with through it, I've had some fantastic dates through it, and I've had some pretty soul destroying dates from it. But needless to say, from the good dates, the flakes, the dickheads and the fuckboys, it's here to stay. So here's a little venture into the 4 types of boys I met on my first month being back on Tinder, and you probably will too.

Millie Ryan Tinder Millie Ryan Tinder

MR COMMITMENT

Mr Commitment is all in from the first date, and to be perfectly honest, he's a babe. He's usually attractive, not so attractive that you stop in the street and start having fantasies about ripping your clothes off, but attractive enough that you might give him a second glance on a crowded tube carriage and give him your last Rolo if he asked nicely. (LOL JK NO ONE TAKE MY ROLO PLS) Simply put, he's a nice guy. He will hold open doors, plan cute dates, any private or personal details you share with him, he will thank you a million times for feeling comfortable enough to do so. At first glance, you think he's perfect boyfriend material, if that's what you're going for.

At second glance you realise this, it's not about you.

He's of a certain age, has usually been out of a relationship for a year / 18 months and simply feels that he SHOULD have a girlfriend by now. You realise the dates he planned are cute, but they aren't tailored to you, the little jokes you have are nice and all, but they aren't painstakingly particular to you, he seems to have them with everyone now you think of it.

With my 'Mr Commitment' it was the political views thing that really nailed it, by date 2 he was already planning for when I would be swapping over from the political party I'm a member of, to the one he was a member of. It was then that I realised, to this man, I wasn't special. I fit a bill, I fit a specified set of guidelines that he wanted a girlfriend to, and simply put, that's not good enough for me, and it shouldn't be for you either.

Mr Commitment will be all in, and if that's what you're looking for, it can be a slippery slope to fall down. But ultimately, if a man is proclaiming he's in love with you by Date 2, before he even knows your last name, I'd run for the hills.

Millie Ryan Tinder

MR 'I HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER'

So we all know the cliches right, if it seems to good to be true then it probably is.

And by that I mean, that if you meet someone who is 100% your type on paper with a good job and prospects, then maybe tread carefully. Excuse the love island reference (but I mean maybe don't because you know how basic I am guys.)

Of course, our type differs greatly from person to person, but in my experience Mr 'I Have My Shit Together' is usually a fuckboy in disguise.

Mine was certainly successful, a lawyer and homeowner, I mean the fact that he brought a copy of The Economist to a first date did plague me with slight Mark Corrigan / workaholic alarm bells, but what can ya do. (I disclaim that in the writing of this post I may have fallen down a procrastination hole looking at Peep Show GIFs, but you'll never prove it soz.) God he was even Scottish, FYI I fall in love with Scottish men in about 0.45 seconds flat.

It was a fairly casual thing to start, which was what I was looking for, but along with that came cancelled dates, bootycalls, and just generally being flakey. That was of course until he sat me down proclaiming that he really did want to seriously date me and no other girls, and then ghosted and never texted me again. Hmmmm.

So be warned, fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes, and they just might wear a suit.

Millie Ryan Tinder Millie Ryan Tinder

 MR FLAKE

So I mean, we've all had them in online dating haven't we?

He's funny, he's interested, you're having such good banter back and forth, the kind of banter that makes you wanna look at the messages on your morning commute and smile because you're a soppy motherfucker.

You haven't met up yet, but I mean a date has been set, and you just know it's going to go super well, the flirting and banter is just too good for it to not end up with lips being locked and a second date definitely on the cards.

It's date day, and you're excited. You know you're looking good, you have your date outfit planned out already and you're already picking out what simply hilarious stories you're going to tell.

Then your whatsapp pops off, and its him, cancelling. Something's come up, usually a family deal, he's really sorry, and sends apologies.
You wait... but never hear from him again.

Sadly it's a part of the online dating game and it's a reality we have to know - some people are here for an ego boost. Sure, it feels great that I've got close to a thousand matches on Tinder - OH GEE WHIZ. I also have no doubt that I'd actually only be interested in going on dates with 10-20% of those. People will flake, make excuses, ghost, zombie, the list really could go on. You'll meet a lot of Mr Flake, but don't make it feel like you're not valid. It says everything about him and nothing about you.Millie Ryan Tinder

MR CHATTERBOX

So don't get me wrong, I love a good Tinder chat. It's one of my pet peeves to simply get a message like 'Hi gorgeous, you look great, wanna go out sometime?' I mean firstly ew, I have so many lovely and witty talking points on my bio - BRING THEM UP WHY DON'T YOU. I like to chat for a day or two, get to the point where we are sharing emojis and a couple of in jokes like there is no tomorrow and then migrate to Whatsapp, because let's face it - the Tinder app is an eyesore, it takes forever to load and it's one of the biggest data guzzlers there is.

Mr Chatterbox simply put, is a time waster.

He wants to know every little detail about your job, see your social media profiles, know your career path, where you grew up, what university you went to, he even wants to know what you had for tea and what your mother does for work.

He won't ask you out.

You can spend weeks messaging Mr Chatterbox, he will talk, and talk and talk. He will seem lovely, you'll even have questions about him and a really good conversation, but I mean if you're speaking that much everyday and he's STILL not asking you out. Just do yourself a little favour and ask yourself why.

Of course there are so many more lovely, socially inept dickhead coming my way I'm sure. At the end of the day - it's dating. Have fun, don't take it too seriously, and most of all, be yourself.

So you've prob noticed that I'm simply loving the dating content right now, and I mean I AM. They are quickly becoming my favourite posts to think up and create and I simply LOVE writing them, so you can prob expect a lot more of that coming your way in the future just FYI.

Photography by Kaye Ford Fordtography

Millie Ryan Tinder