"Dating makes me feel like the most sassy, confident and put together version of myself one day, and crying in bed the next, wasting a good face of makeup and hating the way my thighs looked in that dress on our last date because that must be why he won't text me back."
SHOP THIS POST
Dating can feel like a mindfield at the best of times, and like finding a needle in the biggest haystack in bloody existence at the worst of times. It makes me feel like the most sassy, confident and put together version of myself one day, and crying in bed the next, wasting a good face of makeup and hating the way my thighs looked in that dress on our last date because that must be why he won't text me back. Sometimes switching off, taking a step back and taking time to really evaluate what we want in our next partner is the best thing we can do for our mental health, ourselves and our confidence.
Dating is hard, especially in the world of 2018 with apps, social media and the age of comparison, our grandparents would be happy if they heard from a potential suitor once a week, if a potential date / someone I'm seeing isn't making the effort to check in with a text on most days of the week, I'm going to lose interest pretty damn quickly, and why the hell should I make the effort with someone who isn't making the effort with me? Knowing your worth is one of the most valuable things you can teach yourself to do, and put simply, I know what I'm worth and what I'm not, and so should you.
I live in a city of 10.6 million people, if we're assuming half of those are men, that means there are literally over five million men that I could end up on dates with every night of the week in London, and while of course a large portion of that number are going to be men that are taken, don't identify as a straight men, guys I wouldn't date and men who aren't interested in me, a lot of them are going to be guys who just aren't the right match, and that's okay. Tinder is a game of chances, I have a totally equal chance of meeting someone genuine, lovely, handsome and charming who is going to make me a priority in his life, and I have done, but then some nights I'll match with someone that will call me a 'fuckpig and say I look like I like it up the arse (apparently that's an insult and lol I'm still not sure why.), that's just how it goes, and the minute you stop depending on the attention of a man who might have his shit together and end up being 'the one' to validate you and the way you live your life is the second you will start living a happier one. So here we have it, 9 reasons why you should not text him back.
He Thinks You're Dramatic
Oooh the anger this one evokes into my soul, as kind of hilarious as it was when a guy I was seeing referred to me as 'Christina Aggy-leira', (yep NGL I'm actually gutted and WISH I'd come up with that one myself because it's comedy gold.) It's also kind of not. I know my worth, and I know the respect I deserve from someone I'm dating. If we're 2/3 months into it and you're ignoring me and when I call you out on it you call me a drama queen and make out that I'm 'Aggy' you're being emotionally manipulative and I'm not going to stand for it.
He leaves you on Read
See, okay here's the thing - THIS ONE IS HARD. Yes, I think you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I mean especially in London. People are busy. We have intense careers, we're binge watching 3 series of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA over the span of a weekend, and we're building online empires in our spare time. I used to totally be the girl who jumped to 57 conclusions a day about him not liking me if he wasn't texting back straight away - so now I try to not do this. But also - if he's not making a consistent effort to stay in touch, return your texts, and chase you, he might just not be feeling it - and that doesn't make you any less amazing - it just means you're not the one for him.
His chat is shit
So like not to toot my own horn gals - but my text banter is on point. I'm basically a Lorelai Gilmore of pop culture references and if you're going to date me - you have to have good chat. I have the attention span of Dory from Finding Nemo and will archive you faster than I can delete your number if you're not bringing it. So girls, let's date boys who have banter that's as good as ours, and if his texts aren't making you excited, getting you buzzed to receive the next one, and if he doesn't make you laugh (because really who can bang a boy doesn't make them laugh!?) bin him, and do it quickly.
He sends you cringe worthy pouty dick pics
Okay - so I feel like everyone of a certain age knows that there is a bit of an art to a good nude. You've got to make me want you. And including your face, doing a Mark from season one of TOWIE is not the sexiest look for any guy, and it's damn sure not going to get you in my pants - so let's leave the faces out of it eh boys? Especially with the pout that makes you look like a bit of a duck.
He booty calls you, he doesn't date you
There seems to be a bit of a pattern affecting our generation where we're so hesitant about calling a date 'a date' because it feels too commitment heavy and feels like you're admitting that things between you could actually be going somewhere. That being said, a 9pm 'Hey why don't I drive round to yours?' isn't a date. A 'dammit just get in my bed, why don't you come over now?' text is most definitelty not a date and the oh so obvious 'are we fucking anytime soon (even though I had a picture with my girlfriend in my instastory yesterday but now it's Sunday evening and I'm horny) whatsapp is most definitely not a date. We all want to get it where we can, but don't confuse this man with one who wants to date you - because as sassy and fabulous as you are, that's probably not what he's after.
He thinks pubic hair is gross
So I can't speak for everyone, but seeing as my pubic hair starts to grow back on my vagina about 0.2 miliseconds after I wax or shave, I'm gonna guess we're all on pretty much the same road there. At the start of a new relationship it's all sunshine and roses, we wear our best lingerie, we wax every orifice on our bodies that a hair has ever dared to sprout from and we look like the kind of girl who is so lively and put together that she doesn't even need concealer. (lol I can't even type that with a straight face.) But as things naturally progress, if he won't bang you unless you're prim, proper and shaven, he's got to go.
He refuses to label your situation
Hey, I know what'll be fun - why don't we just stay in this limbo where we act like we're in a relationship, buy gifts, introduce each other to our friends and family, plan things in advance, but not ever label this? That sounds great, right? NO. BIN. There will always be a natural stage of 'oooh where are we?' it makes things exciting, playful and it's damn right fun playing hard to get. But once that reaches the stages of 4/5/6 months in? It's a no from me.
Photography by Kaye Ford