So it's been a month since I published a blog post. To be honest, I just really haven't been in the mindset. I've felt so frustrated with this space, and I just haven't really known how exactly I fit into the blogosphere anymore.
I was recently reading a post by one of my all time fave bloggers Chloe and I was instantly inspired. I mean really, who are we online? And how do we really want to be perceived by you, our readers?
I think that as bloggers / influencers / content creators / writers / youtubers, I mean whatever you bloody well want to call us, we're constantly evaluating ourselves, who our audience is, what type of content we want to create, and I mean who we want to be online. As with anything, as we change as people, our content will too.
Any time that I work with a brand I'm always having to think about who my audience is, and to be completely honest, I feel like a lot of the time, I'm just writing for myself. I start my morning usually with a makeupless face and a sleepy Millie still sitting in pyjamas, trying to find the biggest mug that I can in my kitchen so I can cram as much coffee into it as possible. I'm usually thinking about the big things, you know like how much is a monthly socially acceptable ASOS allowance, and why is it that any bagel you buy outside New York City tastes like a processed, sugary piece of bread to anyone who knows better? When I open up my laptop and start to type, the content that comes out is usually an amalgamation of the thoughts that have been floating around in my head mixed up with the sorts of content and blogs that I like to read.
I like content that makes you think, I want to know what autumn coats I simply have to own and why, but I also want to talk about things. I want to talk about things like domestic violence, mental illness, why sticking to an instagram theme is driving me up the wall and what it means to be a girl in her late twenties on Tinder in London.
I want to tell stories. I want to tell you every detail of what happened when I flew 3000 miles to tell my ex that I still loved him, I want to tell you what it's like trusting people after an abusive relationship, and I want to tell you that it's okay to not be okay. I want to talk about love, sex, lust, friendships, independence and London life. I want to create content that you love to read, and I want to be as relatable and no filter as I can possibly be. So let's start at the beginning.
My name is Millie.
I live in a two bedroom flat in a leafy area of South West London and I'm twenty six years old. On my birthday this year I was trying to sing twenty six along to the tune of Taylor Swift's 22 and it came out something like 'I'm feeling twenty twix and I'm turning tricks.' But maybe let's just blame that one on the mimosas eh? If I had to compare myself to anyone I suppose it would be Lorelai Gilmore. I drink way too much coffee, I'm pretty good at running away from my feelings and I talk really fast with a lot of cultural references that nobody else really gets half the time.
I grew up on a council estate in South London, and through and through I'm pretty much as South London as you can get. I think there's nothing better than a 2am kebab, if you're being a dickhead, I will tell you, and I'm not sure if I've ever met a problem that a good cuppa couldn't help solve. I was a bit of a weird looking teen, I had acne, braces, and eyebrows that looked a little too fierce for my face back in the days of those beloved skinny brows. Boys were never really interested in me when I was younger, so I chased a lot of the wrong ones for a really long time when I should have been chasing myself.
I fell in love for the first time when I was 20 after drinking three cans of Bud Light. He let go of my hand and ran head first into the water before looking back at me and shouting "Well, are you coming?" Before I knew it I was naked in the ocean. Later on, I let him have sex with me in the back of his jeep as he told me that he loved me. I managed to not think about y'know the movie Jaws, and the fact that we could be eaten by sharks at any moment or be caught in a rip tide and carried away into the Atlantic because of the way that he was kissing me, and I think that is what love should feel like all of the time.
I'm a size twelve and after struggling with my weight for what feels like a long time, I'm finally at a place where I can honestly say that I love my body, my curves and I'm happy with the way I look. I think there's nothing I feel comfier in that a good pair of jeans that makes my bum look peachy and my faves are the high waisted ASOS Leigh jeans and I could basically live in them forever and be a happy, sassy gal.
I'm a hopeless romantic (blaming it on daddy issues and being way too much of a bookworm.) I believe in big love, and I know that I'm not going to settle for anything less.
I live with a girl called Lizzie who I instantly decided was my friend when I was seventeen. We got drunk in East London, hid in a phonebox and pretended to be asleep when an old man tried to take us home. He took our silence to mean that we were Eastern European illegal immigrants and threatened to call the police on us. When we heard a police siren two seconds later we grabbed our cans of Strongbow and bottles of lambrini and ran through the streets of Shoreditch laughing into the night and after almost 10 years of friendship I've never really looked back. She's the kind of friend who will greet me from an international trip with a blow up balloon shaped like a banana with a party hat on it, and get me birthday cards that are themed with quotes from 13 going on 30, and I think that everybody needs a friend like that.
I'm pretty convinced that our flat is haunted with a ghost that likes to turn our Netflix subscription on to watch really basic series like Gossip Girl and Jane The Virgin but won't let me watch gritty crime dramas like Sinner or Mind Hunter so that kind of sucks. However the ghost did fix our broken toilet so that's nice of her. (Also yes I am convinced it's a she.)
I'm pretty much as basic as they come in a lot of respects. I drink a hell of a lot of pumpkin spice, I own more than one piece of Love Island merchandise that says "100% my type on paper" on, and I spent the better part of 2009 trying to convince all my friends in school that this country singer called Taylor who just shamed Joe Jonas in a song when he dumped her over the phone was actually really rad. I mean so much that my friends actually refer to me as the OG Swiftie.
But I also probably have read more books than anyone I've ever met. It's always been my dream to write real stories, novels, and it's something I really hope that I'm able to do one day. I have a serious addiction to true crime and those terrible lifetime movies that they show on Channel 5.
I grew up in the city, but nothing really makes me happier than driving around country back roads singing Carrie Underwood songs at the top of my voice in a 4x4 drinking Bud Light, so make of that what you will. I don't fit into one box, and I'm not really sure that I'd want to.
What it all comes down to is that I want you to know these things. I want to create a site where I can talk to you freely about all the things that should and do matter to us as young women, but I also want to talk about the 32 winter coats that you kinda sorta need, and what instagram planning / editing apps I simply couldn't live without.
The truth is, this year I've felt very conflicted. I went through loss, I went through the breakdown of two very important relationships and I went through a major life change. I wanted to write more about real things, but I noticed my engagement changed so much when I stopped talking about highlighter and dewy foundation all the damn time. The truth is, I want to be both. I want to tell stories, through my writing. One day it might be a story about how fucking awful dating is and why we should all just ignore boys and be sassy independent females who are alone forever, and one day it might be about how a certain shade of red lipstick makes me feel.
I want to talk about books, literature, poetry, strong women I admire and how bloody good the current New Look autumn collection is because I mean I want to be a well read feminist but ALSO I WANT ALL OF THE KNITWEAR.
Either way here we are. I'm Millie, your oh so basic, Tinder swiping, PSL drinking, terrible at decision making blogger who really hopes you stick with her.
Photography by Kaye Ford.