"The woman you are becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces and material things. Choose her over everything."
OH HI PALS. I'm back from the wok obsessed, wait work obsessed, not asian food obsessed (although I mean I'm not gonna lie, I've eaten Chinese food 3 times this week and IT'S BEEN GREAT. Anyhoo asian food related typos aside, I'm sure you've noticed that I've taken a bit of a blog break, and the reason behind that is.. I have a new job, and well as soon as I get home I generally want to sleep for about 57 hours so that doesn't leave a lot of time for building an online empire and stuff.
So let's talk self care and self love, and what it looks like...
I feel like social media is packed with propaganda about self care, about the easy types of self care. But self care isn't always facemasks, bubble baths and Lush Bath Bombs with a Basic Bitch sticker on your instagram story. We flick through sassy tshirts on ASOS that say things like 'Self care 101' and 'I'm all about self love' making it kind of a trendy instagram theme at times, but that's not all that self love is. Sometimes it's saying goodbye to something that makes you happy because you know it's for the best in the end and it's for the greater good of your future happiness.
We go through relationships. Relationships that feel right, relationships that feel wrong like something nagging at the back of your throat, and ones that fall somewhere inbetween. The hardest breakups are the ones where nobody has done anything wrong, the ones where it's simply timing that gets in the way, and the harsh realisation that your lives just don't fit together, and neither one of you is willing, or in the position to make the sacrifices they would need to, for you to be together.
I CHOOSE ME
But sometimes I forget what that even means.....
The fact is I like being alone. I like being able to come home, sing Taylor Swift at the top of my voice and not answer to anyone than my (obviously delighted) neighbours, I like attempting to carry 100kg of stuff home from Ikea on the tram and failing miserably and ordering an Uber but still feeling like an independent boss lady because ya-know I did it myself and didn't need a man and all that jazz.
I like being able to spend my nights lighting candles that smell like pumpkin spice, reorganising my makeup and watching Sex and The City on repeat. I like my life, I like my friends, and I don't want a boyfriend.
That doesn't mean I don't have my moments after 5 glasses of prosecco on an empty stomach where I think I'll be alone forever and start crying over things like how Carrie treats Aidan like shit in Season 3 and shouting 'YOU IDIOT' at my TV, it doesn't mean I don't go through stages of blacklisting every Ed Sheeran song on my spotify playlist, blocking random people on Twitter I don't even know, for their engagement photos because 'WHY ARE YOU HAPPY AND IN LOVE?' and listen to Fleetwood Mac and cry. But in the space of my day to day life, I'm passionate about creating one that I want to live, one that is the fullest life it can be, without the validation or acceptance of a boyfriend, and that is what is important to me.
And I don't want to change that...
In my last relationship, I spent so long trying to be a mould of someone else, someone I wasn't. I tried to be the perfect live in girlfriend, and became so deeply unhappy in the process. Of course, one day it would be lovely to wake up to someone in the morning, to have someone to share fries with, and to have someone to reach for the stuff off the high shelf, but if that never happens, I still know I'll be okay.
Sometimes choosing yourself means being alone, and loving yourself for that choice.
Afterall being single in itself, is a choice. It's one that some people might not understand, and it's one that I never particularly warmed to until my mid twenties, but the fact remains, I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that doesn't meet my standards, and we should have those standards in place, with every date, every swipe and every I do.
Practicing real self care
It won't all be bubble baths and donuts, sometimes self care is deleting a toxic friendship from your life, sometimes it's breaking up with a boy who can't give you what you need, and sometimes it's not replying to your messages for a week and focussing on your career. It won't always look the same but it'll always have one thing in common, you're putting yourself first.
So eat the cookie, have the bottle of wine, order the takeaway even though your weekly Tesco shop was just delivered. Do what you need to make yourself happy, because at the end of it, it's all about you, and you is who you're left with at the end of this crazy life thing. It's important that you're kind to yourself, you make decisions that will benefit you and you put yourself first.