Blazer - Primark (similar here) Bag - Gucci Marmont Jumper - Zara (old similar here) Boots - Primark (similar here) Skirt - ASOS
OH HI GANG, HOW YOU DOING?
Okay okay I suck. 2 weeks without posting? I mean I'm literally the worst blogger ever soz. But hey I'm back kids, I'm here! I KNOW YOU LUCKY LIL CRAZY CATS, what is going on eh? Anyhoo, anyone who's been following my little nook of the interwebz or who follows me on social media / has stalked me back to the start of the year, will know that I went through a pretty rough break up a couple of months back.
In all honesty, I thought it was the worst thing that had happened to me in a really long time. I felt like the ground had swallowed me up, I felt like everything that had felt so steady and stable to me a matter of days before was now in question. I wasn't sure what the future held for me, and I wasn't sure which foot went in front of the other.
No matter how you swing it, breakups really bloody suck.
I was suddenly left in a situation that I hadn't envisioned, I had everything set in stone as to how my life was going to go. Until I didn't. I guess that's how life goes doesn't it? It's all okay until it isn't, people are alive until they aren't, and everything is okay until you wake up one day and you don't really recognise the way you feel anymore, or even who you are.
For me, I guess it had an extra layer. I was set on going back to Australia and starting a life with someone, we'd made plans, we'd talked about every little detail of our future, and we'd made promises to each other. Promises that I had thought were set in stone, but of course, they weren't. I was suddenly left in England, a country that I undoubtedly love, but not a country that I had seen my future being in. It was as if I woke up one day and everything that I thought and felt was thrown into question, and I had no idea what the future held for me.
The part I didn't expect was for it to be the best thing that's ever happened. I've found such a new and intense love for the country I grew up in, I've discovered a fire that won't really go out in terms of the passion I have for my career, for my blog, for social media, and for creating content. (and you guys seem to like it too, which tbh makes me the happiest bee you can imagine.)
So to anyone who is going through a break up right now, I know it sucks. We've been there, we've gotten drunk, we've left voicemails we regretted, we've sent a million angry drunk whatsapp messages, we've stumbled across their Tinder profiles and gagged at the lines they use to pick up new girls. But y'know, wanting to focus on the positives and stuff, we've also learnt from it, we've risen from ashes, we've built lives around ourselves instead of a scared little boy, and that's something to be pretty dang proud of.
So before I go on another tangent about autumn or pumpkin spice lattes, here's a lil old list of all the things I learnt about myself in my last breakup and how I hope they'll stay with me throughout my dating life.
SOME RELATIONSHIPS HAVE AN EGG TIMER ON THEM, AND THAT'S OKAY.
Full disclaimer: I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC. I cry at The Notebook, I listen to old school Taylor Swift songs and think about the guy I fancied the pants off of at Starbucks on St Johns Hill last week and I rewrite narratives of my romantic liaisons like nobody's business. If you're anything like me, you'll know those feels. You thrive off that butterfly buzz you get on the first date, and you can't help but wonder if every date you go on, could possibly end up being something serious. But something I've learnt as time goes on, is that just isn't the case. Love does funny things to us, it makes us wear rose tinted glasses and see so many positives to the person that we're with. We see the good in them, we appreciate the cute little things they do, and we over romanticise all of the positives, and pretend the negatives don't exist. We gloss over the time that you treated them to a nice restaurant and they were a grumpy sod all the way through, the mean things they said in that screaming match last week, and the fact that they NEVER help unload the dishwasher.
The truth is, not every boy can be 'the one', not every relationship is meant to end with you saying vows, sometimes things run their course, and as sad as it is to let go, it's ultimately for the best.
YOUR FRIENDS WILL PICK YOU UP. LET THEM.
Outrageous fact here, I'm not very good at accepting help from those who love me the most. I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll avoid, I'll ignore, and I'll want to be alone and y'know passive agressive tweet. But some of the best friends I have today are the ones who saw me struggling and reached out, and I'll always be thankful for that.
Break ups are times when you need friends like nobody's business. You need to down that bottle of gin and come up with an expressive dance to 'Like A Virgin', you need to have that sleepover and watch 'Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging' and talk about how gross boys are we don't know why we bother and about how the Elastic Band Theory is RELATABLE AF.
In all honesty, my friends are the ones that got me through, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without them.
YOU MADE SACRIFICES TO FIT A MOULD. TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BREAK IT.
My biggest problem has always been getting lost in relationships, it's been wanting to fit a perfect mould for a partner and not stopping to think about if it was right for me. In my last few relationships I've made a lot of compromises, I've wanted so badly to be someone worthy of the bloody great relationship I was in, that I became scared to just y'know be myself. But you know what, I'M PRETTY GREAT. I can bake cakes, I never eat the last rolo, I'm not a duvet hogger, and I'm all smiley and shit. I'm making the next few years less about fitting someone elses mould and more about discovering what my mould is.
DON'T DRINK TOO MANY PINTS AND MESSAGE THEIR PREVIOUS EX ON INSTAGRAM, IT'S PROBS NOT A GOOD IDEA.
Erm, yep, my bad. AKA learn from my mistakes and don't get too drunk when you have your phone in hand. "OH HI GIRL I'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO OR MET, you know your ex? Well he just dumped me, so can I ask you some deep, personal and probing questions please?"
CLOSURE IS IMPORTANT, BUT DON'T LET IT DESTROY YOU IF THEY WON'T GIVE IT TO YOU.
Closure eh, it's a funny old thing. Ultimately when you lose someone it's hard, it's confusing, it can feel incredibly lonely, and you obviously have questions that need answering. But sometimes, that person isn't willing to give you answers, isn't willing to solve things, isn't willing to help you move on. And put plainly, that really sucks. But it says everything about them, and nothing about you.
BEING ALONE WILL BE HARD, BUT IT WILL GET EASIER.
This is something we all struggle with, but ultimately IT GETS BETTER. I mean there's the times when you've had a shit day and all you really want is someone to give you a cuddle and pour you some wine, there's the articles you see shared on Facebook of 10 cool London date ideas and you're like 'lol do you think I can take my cat?' I'd rather wake up alone in bed everyday, than next to someone who doesn't truly want to be there. I deserve better, we all deserve better. After all, learn to like yourself, YOU'RE PRETTY GREAT.
GET MOTIVATED, AND GET EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE.
I feel like ultimately this was what helped me most, because I mean, I had a lot to look forward to and to get excited about. I was just organising moving into an amazing flat in an area of London that I love with one of my oldest friends, I decided to focus and put 100% of everything into my content, and I decided to make the rest of 2017 the year of Millie. I knew it was going to be hard to know that everything in my life had been turned upside down, and I knew it was going to be difficult to be alone, to not know what the future held, and just to plunge into the unknown, but it's the best thing that's ever happened.
Motivation changes you as a person, it excites you, it stirs up an all too human instinct of drive, and it connects us. Let it drive you into the life you were meant to live, and to lead.