"Hey.. so I found that blog post you wrote about me.. I didn't realise I gave you permission to write about our relationship for all the world to read."
"Hey.. so I found your blog. Shit you've been through a lot. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Wow, so you're a dating expert then? What am I doing wrong!?"
So it's no secret that this blog isn't my full time job, I work in the media industry and I adore my day job. But it's also no secret that I make a fair bit of dosh from collaborations on social media, affiliate links and I generate a decent bit of traffic from this site. And most of that traffic over the last year, has been from when I started to write about sex, relationships, dating and sharing more personal content over here. That's kind of just a fact, and I'm no longer surprised when a post about sex, or a rant on why you shouldn't text that boy back generates around 70% more traffic than a post on how to get glowy skin. I guess it's a part of my brand.
Honestly? I love that part of it. I love sharing content that shows the grittier, and more real side of social media, and I love dating content that makes us all feel a little bit less alone. Because fuck it - dating in 2018 is HARD. It's a facade of digging through someone's social media and knowing everything about them before the 1st date, it's a endless parade of matches, drunken bootycall texts, boys that never respond to your messages, and ones that ghost you without an explanation. And I think if more people were real about that, or real about life in general on social media - we'd stop putting this incredible pressure on ourselves to have 100% of our life resemble a highlight reel, but hey that's just me.
And as much as I love sharing that side of my life on social media, I also worry. I worry that by someone reading this stuff before they've even met me, they'll judge me, I worry that meeting someone will mean my blog won't be 'popular' anymore and I worry I've built myself into a box that stops anyone from getting in. But maybe that's simply what it means to be a dating blogger in 2018.
Sharing your life online isn't for everyone, and that's okay.
I have to respect that my blog might keep certain boys away, but I've also got to recognise, that is their choice, and this is mine. I write because I can't not and because this is my story, and I want to share it. The older I get, the more I realise relationships are about whether someone can fit into your life, and whether you can fit into theirs. And sometimes, things just can't fit together, even if you quite desperately want them to. You are the writer of your own story.
Thing is, I get their frustration.
I get why dating someone with such a public part time job is annoying. "Hey babe, can you take an insta for me?" "Hey babe, I said take an insta - why haven't you taken 47 at my best angles... there's only one photo I don't understand!?!?' I mean as much as we all believe it's bloody necessary, not everyone wants to be an instagram husband.
Some people want to enjoy moments without documenting them, some people don't even have instagram accounts (tbh just the idea of that gives me anxiety.) And some people just don't 'get' social media. The auto response of 'oh no - you're not a Blogger are you?' is becoming a regular in my Bumble inbox and the demands of a life lived on social media are all too apparent and transparently understood these days.
Blog first, boys second.
This blog has helped me in so many ways, and I'm never going to regret starting it. Firstly, it's helped my confidence elevate to a level I'm not sure I thought it would ever reach. It's reignighted my passion for writing, photography and creating content, and it's helped me meet some of the best friends a girl could ask for. Maybe the fact that I'm a blogger adds a complexity to dates and relationships in general - but the fact is - I'm bloody great (and so are you.)
Photography by Kaye Ford